Communication Ground Rules | Coping Together

Although most couples communicate well, the additional stress of cancer can change the way couples talk to each other. Ground rules can help each of you speak your mind, make it easier to listen and enhance participation in conversations. Consider whether the following ground rules are right for you. Once you have selected the ground rules that are relevant to you, click the print button at the bottom of the page to create a list.

Ground Rules for Talking

Either partner can suggest an issue.
Either of us can say, "This isn't a good time for me." The partner who says this is then responsible for setting up a time to talk.
Set a time limit (e.g. 10 minutes, no longer than 30 minutes). This helps to keep focus on the issue and can encourage reluctant partners to talk.
Avoid blaming and generalising. Phrases such as "you always" and "you never" are typically wrong and can make your partner defensive or withdrawn.
One issue only. This helps to keep the focus on the important issue and increases the likelihood of getting to a resolution.
Consider all viewpoints. You may not agree, but acknowledge your partner's view and consider how this might change how you interact or deal with the problem.
Focus on now. Bringing things up from the past can make your partner defensive or frustrated.
We will be clear and direct. Tell your partner exactly what you're thinking/feeling, and what you would like to be different.
No interruptions. Interrupting can make your partner feel disrespected.

Ground Rules for Conflict Resolution

Either of us can say, "This isn't a good time for me." The partner who says this is then responsible for setting up a time to talk.
Consider all viewpoints. You may not agree, but acknowledge your partner's view and consider how this might change how you interact or deal with the problem.
Focus on now. Bringing things up from the past can make your partner defensive or frustrated.
Address the 'sore spot'. Only focus on the immediate issue that is creating the conflict.
We will use problem solving to stay focused.
Call a brief stop. If we start to become angry or upset, we will take a break to calm down before restarting the conversation.
Use safe behaviour. Intimidating, threatening and violent behaviour will not be used when we try to resolve conflict.